If It Has To Be This Way, Why Not That Way?

<span style=”font-size:12pt;”>I’ve seen the True Cameron twice in the last week or so, once at the Hawkes Street sale (in McLean Park) where I was at the Neighbourhood Small Grants program information table disbursing infomation, and again at the Jazz Fest where he works and I saw him standing on a white plastic lawn chair. Neither of these sightings was unexpected, but, that said, nor were they intentional.</span>

<span style=”font-size:12pt;”>Both sightings were a byproduct of my efforts to claim parts of my neighbourhood that I have avoided because of proximity to his place (McLean Park) and to reclaim parts of my life that I have neglected since his and my involvement (the Jazz Fest)  My Neighbourhood Small Grants Program work requires that I inhabit more of the neighbourhood than I have historically, especially the pivotal area around McLean Park. Roberta, the program facilitator, and I work pretty closely together, meeting at her house. She lives right across from McLean Park, across the park from the True Cameron.</span>

<span style=”font-size:12pt;”>True to our history since breaking up, the True Cameron and I did not speak vis a vis. Seeing him is not easy for me, I reckon that speaking with him would be even less easy. As it is, in my sadder, lonelier, needier moments I yearn to be with him, I yearn for the excitement and the comfort of my senses revelling in him: the smells, the sights, the sounds, the tastes, the textures of him.</span>

<span style=”font-size:12pt;”>How tragic that someone who is the greatest of the great loves turned out to be so toxic, even to himself. How tragic that I could not make lemon-ade out of the lemons of him. How tragic that I could not ever have trusted him. He and I are apart because it has to be this way. If it could be another way, it would be another way.</span>

<span style=”font-size:12pt;”>Ooh – melodrama! Oh, yeah!</span>

<span style=”font-size:12pt;”>Speaking of being another way, my roof needs to be replaced. Sooner rather than later, though I have spent much of this spring trying to figure out what is what in the world of roofing – doing research, talking with roofing professionals, showing thisCastle, getting quotes for the job. I have pretty much decided to do a transition to green, getting the new roof membrane installed to the standards for a green roof, then greening as I am able. I suspect that the amount I currently have budgetted for the job, is about the amount that the roof alone will cost. So transition first, transformation later.</span>

<span style=”font-size:12pt;”>I have been having nasty, nasty allergies the last week or so, and today in desperation tried irrigating my sinuses with warm saline solution. I don’t have a Neti Pot, but I do have one of those cups designed for separating the meat juice from the fat – essentially glass beakers with a handle on one side and a long spout placed low on the other side. I mixed up a weak solution of warm water and sea salt, and, following the instructions I found on YouTube, gently poured the saline solution into one nostril and let it fill the sinuses and flow out of the other nostril. I’m pleased to say, “so far, so good.” It wasn’t bad, and maybe it’ll work. It definitely feels a little less heavy and plugged up.</span>

<span style=”font-size:12pt;”>Somewhere is a line to bring together these three threads, The True Cameron, the roof and the sinuses, something about green and leaks and washing gunk away, but I can’t find it.</span>

~ by thiscassandra on Wednesday 25 June 2008.

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